This is going to be a little longer of an entry than what I've done in the past. I haven't written here in quite some time. It has been a very long and difficult 5 years. There's going to be a LOT that I don't tell you here … for that we'll have to go out for coffee … or share a bottle of Merlot. I can … and love to cook by the way! So I was thinking that this might just be a good time to fill you in on some of my small part in … the story.
About 5 years ago my marriage crumbled and fell into ashes. I was devastated. How? Why? I mean … I thought … forever. For the very first time in my life I experienced depression. I had absolutely no idea how that felt but I am grateful now. I have a depth of compassion for the many that suffer from that debilitating condition and … I bow my head. So now … in my 40th year of musical instrument building and designing I get to reflect. I guess that's one of the benefits that comes with age. I should say that I am happier now … at my age … than I have ever been. The depression has “lifted” and I'm almost giddy with anticipation.
I walk … up the mountain here where I live … with my “papa.” He reveals points of light that he says we will see. How? Why? When? My questions disturb the blessed silence of a mid-night walk … so I quiet myself … and go back to just listening. It's amazing to me how much I can hear … when it's quiet. S.C.C. made a remarkable recording once that alluded to that state of “not speaking.” It blew me away. I think there was stretch where I listened to it 70 times in a row over the course of several weeks. Music tends to do that to me. I suppose there is logic to why it has been referred to as the universal language.
I love to dream that Our Father might have sung alone … UNTIL ... he imagined a “choir” that could join in on the melodies … and even lend harmonies to His celestial song. Maybe Creation itself is His choir?! I mean … the brook that runs along side my walks sings constantly. I've even heard the forest leaves applaud in many a standing ovation as the wind whistles through the night.
So … back to the story … my work ground to a standstill 5 years ago and I could do almost nothing but wrestle with “that angel.” I tried to re-think what I thought I knew … but … nothing! I became agonizingly clear that all I could really do was … WAIT. I remember that once I wrote on these pages that it is never wrong to wait on the Lord. Heeding my own advice I did pretty much nothing … but wait! Sure … I scratched away at work, brushed my teeth occasionally and even called my Mom … but mostly I was just waiting. Then one day, out of the blue, one of those “wrinkles in time” unfolded … the dark cloud evaporated and … Voila … it was over. Talk about crazy. I spent the next 3 or 4 weeks just pinching myself to make sure I … was me … and … ALIVE! Yep … I'm here to tell ya!
And so here I sit today … writing again, working with joy and living (might I say) with abandon! I have never been happier or more pregnant with hope. I do need to send a special “shout out” to David J. and Nichole E. I can't even begin to imagine how I could have survived the last 5 years without YOU. I love you both. (jrs 11-05-14).